Sunday, November 8, 2009

Vodka, Pie, Facebook, and the Sporfe

I will occasionally walk from my dorm room to my hall’s lobby. I might, say, feel thirsty and want to get a cold, refreshing beverage from the vending machine. Or perhaps I’m walking north (to an intervarsity large group meeting or to downtown or suchlike) and the quickest way is to cut through the lobby. Either way, as I’m walking there, I tend to peer into the windows I pass, out of the corner of my eye. I’m apparently a creeper or something.

The occupants of one such room I pass seems to use vodka bottles as their chief decorating medium. There is a little shelf above the stove and counter. In our room, we keep things like coffee, salt, pepper, Pam no-stick spray, and natural/organic dish washing liquid (because we are the environmentally friendly/awesome college student-type). On theirs, the occupants of this other room keep four or five empty vodka bottles. I could walk down there to count, but that would change my creeper status from “apparently a creeper or something” to “definitely a creeper”. On their windowsill – where one might cool a (very small) fresh-baked pie –

It would look very much like this, only about 4" in diameter, and
with really old slat blinds instead of lacy, gently wafting curtains.

there are two nearly full vodka bottles. Each has about a quarter gone.

I’m not here to put down their lifestyle, for the most part. I don’t drink – I’m only 19 and I’ve recently been tagged as “The Good Little Church Girl” in one of them facebook tag-your-friends thing –

Alison Humphreys

but I don’t usually have a problem with other people’s habits, especially if I don’t know anything about them.

I do, however, have a problem was the two bottles that are each three quarters full. Why crack open a new bottle of vodka when you’re not done with the first one? That’s just wasteful.

I was going to end this with a hilariously witty “There are sober children in” some developing land region, but couldn’t decide which one. So I did a google search to find out the people the mom in A Christmas Story used to guilt Randy into eating. So far as I can tell, she said “starving people would be happy to have that,”

but I couldn’t find any specific land region where those people are from.
I did, however, discover a T-shirt that said “Finish your beer. There are sober kids in India.”

Man, I feel original. What other hilariously witty things did I “make up” that have been around for ages? Do other people know that I’m horribly unoriginal?

Just a couple days ago, my dad and I came up with the “sporfe” – spoon, fork and knife in one – only to find out that it already exists.

In a variety of bright colors!

This has been a humbling weekend.


  1. this made me lol several times :]

  2. I found it funny and think you are smart. By the by, again they are plastic. we need stainless steel multi-functional utensils.

  3. i agree with doug

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