Monday, December 12, 2011

Let's talk about lemonade.


It’s finals week, ladies and gentlemen. I’m completely finished with everything due this week, save for one final on Thursday. The next few days will, as a result, be rather boring with nothing to do. But that’s ok because I’ve lately become rather enamored with the Disney Channel Original Movie Lemonade Mouth. It all started a few months ago when I was talking with my mother on the telephone. She told me that she had recently watched it and loved it and that I should see it. Unfortunately, I never did.  

This all changed when I surprised my mother for Thanksgiving. My father and I had conspired to get me to Seattle without my mother knowing about it. When she saw me she burst into tears. It was awesome. The next day she asked me if I had seen Lemonade Mouth yet. As I hadn’t, we watched it together. It was magnificent.

For those of you who are not in the know, I present my plot summary:
The film focuses on five protagonists. Each of our heroes are well-dressed, attractive, and misfits for some reason. They are diverse, each coming from a different kind upper-middle class background. There are even two minorities, and a racially ambiguous guy. Various circumstances land each of our heroes in detention, where it just happens that they all play a different instrument. Perfect, right? They start a band and learn to be themselves, etc. It’s formulaic and cheesy and amazing.


Also, that singer (center, above) from Little Shop of Horrors plays the passionate music teacher!

I watched it again last night with my roommates and neighbors, one of whom is graduating in just a few days and travelling the world. I’m rather emotional about it.  
 
The cast of Lemonade Mouth, for your convenience.
L-R: Mo, Wen, Olivia, Stella, Charlie
 I’ve developed a drinking game for this movie. However, as it is a family friendly movie, I have designed it to ensure that everyone stays completely sober throughout its duration.

·         Take a drink when the main characters drink something that isn’t lemonade.
·         Take a drink when the characters don’t automatically know the lyrics and harmonies to a song.
·         Take a shot when you spot anyone who isn’t extremely well dressed and coiffed. (Honestly, I'm pretty sure I had zero good hair days in high school.)
·         Take a drink when anyone aside from Wendell thinks it’s weird that his stepmom is ten years older than he is.
·         Finish your drink if Stella’s impassioned speeches don’t make you roll your eyes.
·         Take a shot whenever Mo’s father isn’t a complete stereotype of an Indian man.  
·         Take a drink if you honestly believe that someone can be that bad at soccer.
·         Finish your drink whenever Mo and Olivia wear pants.

Netflix Instant Play, y’all!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Christmastime is here


I recently sent this email to member of my immediate family. Once I finished it, I realized that I haven’t blogged for a while. Perhaps it’s lazy to post letters on one’s blog and pretend it’s an actual post. Then again, perhaps it’s genius! (It’s not; it’s lazy.) Either way, here it is:

 ------

Hello family,

 I hope you’re well.

I would like to alert you that I have an amazon wishlist, located here:

You can also find it by searching for “Alison Humphreys” under “Find Wishlists and Registries.”

Pay attention to the priority rating, particularly with The Jon Ronson books, Fright Night, and that craft book.

Also, I would appreciate jewelry made by freed slaves – such as from tenthousandvillages.com – would be appreciated, so that I might feel self-righteous all the time. Furthermore, I find the majority of the gifts at relevantgiftguide.com to be delightful.

In a gift card giving mood? I would find great pleasure in cards to Amazon, Target, Regal Cinemas, Harkins Cinemas, Barnes and Noble, World of Warcraft, etc.

In addition to the above, I would also be happy with anything kind of nerdy (mainly pertaining to Doctor Who, aliens, comedy, and/or magic) and/or anything homemade. Or just spend time with me. Take me out to food or a movie. Treat me (and yourself) to manicures and/or pedicures. Let’s go to a museum or the aquarium or a zoo. Basically, family, I like you and would like to hang out with you.

That’s all.

Please respond in kind with your lists. (If you live further away and I am unable to give you something physical, please send me a list of gift cards and your mailing address.)

Love, etc.
Alison

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Snapshot

Mother: Hey, Alison, you know that guy from Twilight? One of the brothers, the buff one.

Alison: Yeah, um, Emmett?

Mother: Well, he's dating that girl from Step Up 3D!

Alison: Aw, they're kind of cute together.

Father: I can't believe this conversation is taking place in my house.

Friday, November 4, 2011

PSA/Is it Old?

I am prone to "discovering" something and passing it on to my friends, only to discover that anyone who's anyone has already heard all about it. Therefore, I was very pleased to learn about Is It Old?, a website that tells you whether or not you're way behind the times. If you're like me (and I'm sure you are) this website will be extraordinarily helpful in times to come.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Super Powers

People often ask me, “Alison, if you had a superpower, what would it be?”

Ok, that’s not actually a question I get asked often. But I’ve been asked it before and I think about it a great deal.

My go-to answer is “There was this X-man who could read, write, and speak any language. That’d be pretty neat.” And it would be pretty neat. I’d like to be omnilingual. Be able to translate human, alien, nonverbal, and computer languages at will. Sweet. But the superpower I daydream about the most is different.

Here’s some background information:
I work on the second floor of a long, thin two-story building. The second and third floors are smaller than the first floor, with balconies that open up to the entire building.

Here’s a picture:

I work around halfway down the second floor. So when it’s time for me to go downstairs, I daydream about floating. What if I could just hop off the balcony and float to the bottom? I have the same thought pretty much whenever I have to go down stairs. What if I could do away with this stair nonsense and just float to where I need? I would save so much time.

Sometimes I tell people this and they ask me why I don’t just wish for flight? Surely that would be more useful than floating. And the answer to that is that I don’t know.

In conclusion:
I’ve used the Hero Machine Superhero Generator 2.5 to make a (patriotic!) visual representation of my superhero identity: The Floater. (Yeah, that’s kind of a gross name.) Gravity has a limited effect on me.



Also, I have a pony!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

It's hard to breathe in Disney Land

I've had Pocahontas' "Paint With All The Colors of the Wind" stuck in my mind for quite some time now. I've been delighting (or annoying) my wonderful roommates by randomly bursting out with it.

How hiiiigh can the sycamore grow? If you cut it down you will never knowwwwww.

Pocahontas obviously grew up in the pre-Wikipedia era, because a simple search reveals that the American Sycamore (platanus occidentalis) typically grows up to 30-40 meters. 

While I was singing this I recalled that the colors of the wind she was referring to were leaves:

It made me realize that there's always stuff randomly floating in the air in Disney movies.
And by "always" I mean "in at least one other movie:"

SFX
Simba is alive?
I'm sure there are other movies with random debris floating through the air, but I'm afraid I can't be bothered to do a great deal of research about it.

I am, however, concerned with the vast amount of pixie dust floating around the land of Disney.

I wonder if anyone developed a breathing condition, with all the magic floating around.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Famous faces. Faces that are famous.

I have pondered over whether or not to apologize for not blogging in such a long time. On one hand, I feel the need to mention it. On the other, I've traditionally refrained from blogging during my busy and exciting summers. Furthermore, the majority of the people who read my blog are my parents. They do not need to be updated on my daily life, as they currently witness it first hand.

Before I begin my actual blog post, let us observe a moment of silence. The bald eagle I saw nearly every day to and from work has recently been hit by a bus and killed. The eagle, whom I believe I named Fred (though I cannot fully remember) was an extremely pleasant addition to my commute.



Now then:

I was writing an email to my lovely friend Emily, who is soon moving to China with her brand new husband. (Not brand new in an assembly line kind of way. I'm trying to inform you that they're newlyweds. They're also, incidentally, delightful.)  She's getting her wisdom teeth out this week. This news forced me to reminisce on my wisdom teeth surgery. I get the actual procedure confused with others, as I've had more than my fair share of dental surgery. I mainly remember it because it was the very first time that someone told me that I resembled a celebrity. 

A dental hygienist or surgery assistant or someone woke me up. As she was doing so she mentioned that I looked like "that actress, Robin something, from the movie The Craft." I had absolutely no idea who she was talking about, but I was thrilled. At the time I had extremely poor self image and was chronically awkward. (These days I have moderately poor self image and am endearingly awkward. It's similar, except the descriptive words are more positive.) I looked up The Craft and found that the actress Robin Tunney was quite pretty. (Quite prettier than me, but such is the nature of these these comparisons. Them hollywood folk tend to be better looking than mere mortals.) 

Here's her picture, to save you a google search:
There are some very obvious differences: She has big green eyes; I have tiny brown eyes. I had braces and acne; she's a famous movie star. But our hair is brown, so there's that. 

Incidentally, my BFF Alissa Chambers was often told she looked like Neave Campbell, who was also in The Craft.
 
It's  like looking in a mirror.

The next celebrity I've been told I look like is TV's Emily Deschanel, of Bones fame. If anything, this was even more exciting. Not only is Emily Deschanel way more attractive than me, BUT I also actually watch Bones. 

Obligatory picture for your convenience.

Once again, I don't really see much resemblance. But I'm totally flattered.
Finally, I've been told I look like beloved and talented author F. Scott Fitzgerald. 

That one I can see. (Probably mainly because he's my favorite.)

I got to thinking: The people I "look" like somewhat resemble one another, but to no great extent. What if I could somehow combine the three of them? I wonder if their collective baby would resemble me?
Luckily, the good people at MorphThing have my back.

BEHOLD:
You will notice that it looks nothing like me at all.


If I were one to count on people reading my blog, I would end with the questions:

Has anyone told you that you look like a celebrity? Who was it? What did you think? Have you used face morphing technology to explore this further?

But nothing is sadder than ending with a question and receiving no answers.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Mayonnaise Mayonnaise Mayonnaise


Today I had my last class of the semester, excluding parties. I finished my only final and I only have three written projects to complete before being done with this year completely. I then went to sell my books back. I didn’t get a lot of money, but I got enough to pay for end-of-the-year shindigs and to treat myself to Chick-Fil-A. Everybody loves Chick-Fil-A.

It was a welcome change; lately most of my meals have been an attempt to use up the ingredients in my kitchen. This has meant a lot of tuna sandwiches. A lot of egg salad sandwiches. A lot of tuna-egg salad sandwiches. With all these shredded-fish-and/or-egg-based sandwiches I need mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise is great. Mayonnaise is what makes a really great fish/egg sandwich. And unfortunately, we’re almost out. But I still have around four hard-boiled Easter eggs to go through. I really don’t like straight hard-boiled eggs. But mix it with mayonnaise and salt and pepper and tuna and mustard and celery seed and it is fit for royalty. Some kind of folksy royalty. 

We don’t have enough mayonnaise to make my delicious sandwich. We don’t want to buy more mayonnaise because we’re leaving in a little over a week and can’t use a whole jar. What choice do I have but to take a handful of mayonnaise packets with me?

All was well and good until I looked up from stuffing mayonnaise into my bag and see a young gentleman staring at me with a mixture of amusement and disgust. Then he turned to his friend and said something like “Dude, did you see how much mayonnaise that girl took?” or perhaps “My goodness, that girl certainly enjoys mayonnaise!”

I was very tempted to follow after them and say something along the lines of “Pardon me, sirs, but I’m taking these mayonnaise packets for future sandwich fixins. I’m not going to be spreading all of these packets on my single chicken sandwich.”

But I didn’t.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Potatoes

First of all, I'd like to talk to you about french fries made with the potato skin still on them. Here's a picture for some reason:


French fries with skin on them are better because you can pretend they are much healthier than regular french fries. (Did you hear that it's got vitamins in it? Must be good for ya.) But I don't understand why they're so much fancier. Mostly it seems lazy. We weren't willing to put in the effort to skin this potato, so now it's fancy.

Also, my last downer post was related to the guns-on-campus bill. So in an effort to follow up:
Jan Brewer Vetoes Campus Gun Bill
Yay

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

This is a downer.

This began as a letter to some of my friends who are in favor of AZ SB 1467, the current bill in Arizona allowing people with a concealed carry permit to carry guns on college campuses. It then got rather long, and, after much internal debate, I decided to post it here instead. I kind of don’t want to, because there’s some stuff in there that will probably scare my parents, but it’s still something I feel strongly about and I really want to share it.

I kind of make it a point not to talk politics with these aforementioned friends. I don’t mean this in an offensive way at all. I love those people. They’re super awesome. It’s just that they have very strong views to one side of the political spectrum and I have strong views to the other side, and neither of us is going to change the others mind. This particular post is politics-based, but it’s not an attempt to change anyone’s mind. It’s more of a confessional/attempt to bring in another issue to your case.

From what I understand, proponents of the campus carry bill (SB 1467) want to carry guns on campus because they have a fundamental right to protect themselves. School shootings, such as the Virginia Tech massacre, could have been prevented if people had guns on campus. Criminals will carry guns on campus whether it’s legal or not, while law-abiding citizens will not if it’s illegal. Meanwhile, opponents say that college students lack the maturity – or, in some cases – sobriety to carry guns on campus. They worry it will increase school shootings and/or accidents. I personally think that this argument is stupid. College students are more mature than people tend to think, and aren’t always intoxicated. I even read one case saying that if a student gets a bad grade he or she might shoot the teacher. That’s just ridiculous.

The problem that I do have with the bill is how it will affect the suicide rate of college students.

I’ve struggled with suicidal tendencies my entire life. (Mom and Dad, if you’re reading this, don’t freak out. I never told you – or really anyone – because I was embarrassed. It’s not your fault at all.) They peaked when I was in junior high. I never attempted suicide, but I considered it regularly. I didn’t want to poison, cut, or hang myself – that seemed very slow and painful. I didn’t want to use carbon monoxide poisoning – the only time cars were in our house was when other people were home, and I knew they’d hear me and stop me. I considered jumping off of a tall place, but I lived in a single-story house and didn’t have access to the kind of height I needed. I used to wish that my parents had a gun in the house, so I could just do it already. Now that you know that, you can see why I’m so leery about guns. If my parents owned a gun I would not be alive.

An interesting thing about being suicidal is that doesn’t always go completely away. It’s a disease. I sort of compare it to alcoholism. Even if you haven’t had a drink for years, you’re still considered a “recovering alcoholic.” I do not want to kill myself and I don’t think I ever will. Over 99% of the time I have zero suicidal tendencies. But if you ever have had these tendencies they will come raring up again at certain triggers. For me, it’s tied to feelings of helplessness or shame. The less control I feel I have over my life, or the more shame I feel about something, the more likely I am to have these feelings. I would never act on it – I have all the low-risk factors. I have a huge social support system and am involved with religion. I’m a straight female. I’ve never been through a divorce or been widowed. But just in case I never want to be around guns if I can help it. I certainly don’t want to live anywhere where there are guns.

College students are demographic with the second highest suicide rate in America – white men over 75 are the highest. But 4,212 kids between the ages of 15-24 killed themselves in 2005 (the year with the most recent data) and countless more attempt it. It’s the third leading cause of death in that demographic, and is the second leading cause of death among college students. From 1950 to today, the overall suicide rate has dropped across the country, but it has almost doubled in people aged 20-24. Arizona has the 8th highest suicide rate in the nation. 52.1% of completed suicides used guns.

High suicide rates are very strongly tied to gun access. The states with the highest access to guns have the highest suicide rate. And we can look at other countries for precedence: Canada, for example, lowered the availability of guns from 31 per cent to 19 per cent and the suicide rate involving guns dropped from 32 per cent to 19 per cent. In Australia, the number of households with guns was halved from 20 to ten per cent and the number of gun suicides fell from 30 to 19 per cent.

Guns on campus would decrease fatalities in school shootings, but current fatalities are extremely small in comparison to suicide. I’m not trying to downplay these terrible tragedies. School shootings are terrible, and should not happen. But I strongly believe that allowing guns to be carried on campus will greatly increase campus deaths. In 2007, the year of the Virginia Tech massacre, 37 people died in school shootings in America. 32 of these people were at Virginia Tech. In 2010, 12 people died in school shootings. Only four of these deaths occurred at universities. The rest were at elementary, middle, and high schools, where guns are banned by the Gun Free School Zones Acts of 1990 and 1995. Meanwhile, 10% of college students have admitted to seriously considering suicide.

Guns on campus will only be allowed for people with concealed carry permits. They have a very thorough background check by the FBI and are among the safest people in the United States. But people who want to kill themselves are oftentimes very determined. If their friends had guns, they would probably be locked up and unloaded, but that doesn’t mean people who are determined to kill themselves wouldn’t find some way to get at the gun. And concealed carry permits are only allowed to people who have had no history of mental illness. What if, like me, someone had struggled with this, but got over it with no outside help? What if they got a permit and a gun, and didn’t have any suicidal tendencies at all for years, until they relapse for a short moment? Allowing guns on campus will take more lives than they intend to save.

So, in conclusion, those are my thoughts on the carry-on-campus bill.

 

SOURCES 
http://www.minddisorders.com/Py-Z/Suicide.html
http://www.suicide.org/suicide-statistics.html
http://www.livestrong.com/article/13945-suicide/
The Wikipedia articles on school shooting statistics and suicide assessment http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/means-matter/means-matter/risk/index.html http://teen.preferredconsumer.com/health/depression_suicide/guns_lower_teen_suicide_rates.html http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/Specials/Gun_debate/Background/Archives/High_gun_suicide_rate_linked_to_easy_access.html?cid=982416 http://www.azccw.com/requirements.htm

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Retrospective

I’m in full-on spring break mode.

Which is a shame, because I’m not quite done with schoolwork yet.

Yet I found myself reading my friends’ blogs instead of working on a project for my Social Work Research class.

Anyway, as I sit here in the airport (7 hours left!), catching up on all of your lives I gleaned several bits of information. Mainly that I have incredibly talented, humorous, thoughtful friends who are way more mature and grounded than I am. And also that several people I like will be graduating and I’ll never see them again and that’s very sad.

But the point of this particular blog post – the one that I’m writing/you’re reading right now – is, as usual, about me. My blog and I just had an anniversary. We’ve been together (minus our recent estrangement) for two years.

I bring this up because one of my friends – and I’m sorry, I honestly can’t remember who – recently had an anniversary with his/her blog and celebrated it with highlights of their time together.

I’m the type of person who will write something and immediately be filled with pride and shame. I will think something is clever, but poorly written. Or endearingly passionate, but a bit melodramatic. Or nicely worded, but boring. Here are five posts that I find much more pride than shame in, mainly from The Early Days:

1. Mouthwatering

April 2, 2009

One of my very first posts, in which I describe a meal I wanted to make. I still want to do this. Who’s in?



2. The Tale of Little Henry, the Unusual Elephant.

April 8, 2009

A charming children’s tale, written by myself.



3. Vodka, Pie, Facebook, and the Sporfe.

November 8, 2009.

Inane musings. Incidentally, the room that I mention in this post now has a huge sign on it that says “No Alcohol Past This Point!”



4. Christians of Facebook

April 11, 2010

First overtly Christian post!



5.Taking X-ACTO Knives to Books Like A Crazyperson

July 23, 2010

This is one of my craft type posts. I'm pleased with the end results



And there it is. Thanks for putting up with it.

Twitter Brings People Together

Many of my friends will have already heard this, but I'd like to write this down. For posterity.

This incident, by the way, is the reason that I am easily wounded by interactions with anonymous people. I call it:

Alison Interacts With People On Twitter
(I'm going for accuracy, rather than catchiness)

It all began one lovely spring day. April 2010. The Tea Party movement had recently begun, and while I had heard tell of protests across the nation I had not actually seen one. At this same time, the women's shelter in Flagstaff had just moved into an awesome new location and were celebrating with a grand opening barbecue. My friends (I think Nicole and Amy) and I were taking a bus to help out with said barbecue. While doing so, we passed the Flagstaff town hall and I saw my very first Tea Party Protest. I wasn't sure what it was at first, until I saw a sign that said TEA. Chuckling to myself, I tweeted: 

ALISON: I just saw my first tea party protest. I could tell because one sign just said TEA.

I then proceeded to forget about the entire thing. UNTIL a man who calls himself Big Willie (for reals) tweeted me back. 

BIG WILLIE: Taxed Enough Already (TEA). Need they say more?

Part of me was very pleased because I'd never been tweeted by a stranger before. Not a real stranger, who wasn't just trying to get me to buy prescription drugs and/or access to some porn site. Part of me didn't want to be cowed by someone who I disagreed with. I mean, this guy was crazy.

Granted, I don't agree with Tea Party Politics at the best of times, but I can usually see that the person is not crazy. They just have extremely different opinions than me. (I'm inclined to think I'm right and they're wrong, but that's kind of the point of having opinions.) However, this guy was crazy. Some of his other tweets include "the richest 2% pay for the lazy 98%. No pay, no say...that's the way!" (REALLY!) and "Oh Snap! Today is #CincoDeMayo or as they call it in Arizona, "Wednesday"" (which I don't get. Is this just a reference to the large Latino population in Arizona? Why the "Oh Snap!"?) and various references to "Stupid Libs."

I'm a bit of a stupid lib myself, but I didn't want to fight. However, he sent me a question ("Need they say more?") so answering was only polite. So I sent him the following:

ALISON: Perhaps they could actually say "Taxed Enough Already"? Because to some (or most) people it just refers to the delicious beverage.

Which I thought was fairly neutral. Not 100% neutral, granted, but still written in a fairly pleasant and facetious tone. But of course, being a fan of hot breakfast beverages makes me the wrong kind of person. 

BIG WILLIE: I don't think the sign is meant for you. It sounds like you're too full of Kool Aid for Tea.

Firstly, this doesn't make that much sense. Wouldn't TEA signs be best directed at people who aren't members of the Tea Party? What's the point of protesting to people who agree with you? Secondly, there's always room for tea. Kool Aid is not a filling beverage. 

Big Willie here is, of course, implying that I am brainwashed and about to kill myself, cult-style. I found this to be terribly offensive. I'm generally easy going about deprecating remarks, but some things that I get wildly defensive about include my smarts and ability to think critically. (I was also fairly certain that this guy considered himself a Christian, based on his vast amount of anti-Islam statements. Another thing that is certain to get me riled up is some so-called "Christian" misrepresenting my faith, especially when he or she is spreading all kinds of hate around.) 

When I'm offended by some sarcastic comment, I like to take it literally and answer it as such. For example:

ALISON: I actually prefer tea, as it gets rather cold here. Also I'm coming down with a cold and Good Earth tea helps a great deal.

Heart pounding, I pressed send and proceeded to desperately try and think of any potential comebacks that this Big Willie person may send me.
Unfortunately, he never answered me back.

However, one of my high school acquaintances told me "Gratz" for "Trolling a troll." And I did receive a tweet from Good Earth, hoping that I'd feel better soon. I appreciated that quite a lot.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The extra ss is because a snake is talking.



"Dude, that guy's intense. Let'sss get the heck outta Ireland!"

Also in the room are your customary leprechauns, hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, pots of gold, rainbows, and a pink balloon. Because there already was a pink balloon and I didn't want to cut up a perfectly good red sheet of paper.

(Happy St. Patrick's Day season, friends.)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

blueberry, rasberry && strawberry XD L0L

Every six to eight weeks or so I get a facebook message like this:

Someone proposed that we GIRLS do something special on Facebook to help with Breast Cancer Awareness. Its easy, and Id like you to join us to help it spread. Last year it was about writing the color of the bra that your were wearing in your Fb status and it left men wondering for days why the girls had random colors as their status. This year it has to do with your relationship status. You will state where you are, by posting one of the codes below. Remember -don't reply to this message just type your 1 word response in your status box on your profile. Then cut and paste this whole message into a new message and send it along to your female friends.... Blueberry: Im single Pineapple its complicated Raspberry: Im a touch and go woman Apple: Engaged Cherry: In a relationship Banana: Im married Avocado: Im the "other one" Strawberry: Cant find the right one Lemon: Wish i was single Grape: wants to get married. The bra game reached TV, lets get this one to do the same, and show everyone how powerful women are

This would be an example of my compulsive
need to pepper blog posts with pictures, even
if they're overused stock images from Google.
I’ve received this one twice now. Usually I will either ignore it, or sarcastically post something on facebook, only to realize whatever I said was neither funny nor grammatically correct, and then delete it. (I actually do that with a lot of things.)

Then I though hey, what’s the point of having a blog if I can’t get overly incensed by meaningless things? And here we are.

Firstly: This is for Breast Cancer Awareness. These are always for breast cancer awareness. To the point that it loses all meaning. To the point that whenever I see this I echo a sentiment that someone once shared with me: Geez, another one? For crying out loud, I’m aware.

I think breast cancer awareness is a noble cause. Breast cancer is a terrible disease that, according to the CDC kills over 40,000 women a year. I know people who have battled with breast cancer. And a few women who I totally look up to managed to raise several thousand dollars each so that they could put on some ridiculous (or "cute") bunny ears and walk 60 miles to end breast cancer.

Mommy's the second from the left. 
But this isn’t really about breast cancer awareness, is it?

No, you say it in the last sentence of the message: let’s “show everyone how powerful women are.” Part of you wants to raise breast cancer awareness with little to no effort, but mostly you want to feel exclusionary. You’re in on a secret. You’re part of a club.

Also, the messages are very rarely grammatically correct. I myself am not always grammatically correct. I often get a bit too enthusiastic about commas. But this message is not even bothering to put include apostrophes where necessary. It can’t be bothered to end the message with any sort of punctuation. It can’t even divide the paragraph into easy-to-read chunks, putting each fruit and corresponding meaning on separate lines? It’d flow much better that way!

Much like how stock photos of berries
break up sections of text quite nicely.

And finally: I feel this would be much more appropriate on MySpace. When you post things like this you’re acting like you’re in junior high. I was an idiot in junior high. (I’m still an idiot, but a different kind. And now it’s part of my charm, arguably.) I was all over every single MySpace bulletin trend. If you’re actually in junior high, continue doing these things by all means. I'm not sure why you'd describe yourself as a "touch and go woman" - I'm not entirely sure what that means - but you're welcome to it. However, if your frontal lobes have developed, please stop it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Letter to Blogspot

Hi honey, I'm back.

A little under two months ago I left you for tumblr.

I said it was because I was "irritated" by your format and that I "outgrew" you. Those were all lies - to you, to the public, to myself. The truth is I was dazzled by tumblr's beguiling coolness. I would probably say that tumblr is a whore, except I'm worried that my parents and/or people in my small group who look up to me might read it. But frankly, I was seduced. I was led to believe that, as tumblr is younger than you it must be prettier and better than you.

I was wrong to leave. Tumblr just isn't right for me. You are. You and me? We're blog-format soulmates.

I'm so sorry for straying. I will attempt to remain faithful. Let's never fight again.

Love,
Alison